Entry into the Unfamiliar.: December 2010

So I've made some editions and additions to my piece, Justify. I have twenty pages written and I am posting them all here for your reading pleasure.

We had advised Justin, our son, against working at a convenience mart. They are the most prominent candidates for hold-ups. But Justin insisted. Said the hourly wage was higher than at other places, that it was convenient to drive there because of his fuel discount, and that its suburban location was peaceful. That last one was bitter irony and only proved our advisory. He wasn’t there a full month.

What I know of the incident, I’ve heard from police reports, witness testimony, and security footage. None of that matters. The “how” is not so important as the “why.” But, since this is my memoir, I might as well relay what happened.

It was a Friday night. Justin was scheduled for the graveyard shift. No pun intended. At 1:13am, according to the camera footage, Wallace Darper entered the store dressed in a baggy orange nylon coat and immediately strolled to the back, near the coolers. He lingered for a while before finally opening one of the units and procuring a 12-pack of beer. The brand is unimportant. He slowly and hesitantly approached the counter where Justin was stationed. Justin had been eyeing Wallace since he entered the store. After greeting him, Justin promptly asked for identification. Wallace set the beer onto the counter, removed the glove from his right hand, and reached into his inner coat pocket. What he removed was certainly a form of identification, but only forensics would be able to read it.

Wallace shakily aimed his handgun at Justin, who complied with raised arms. Fortunately, he’d had the foresight to activate the silent alarm. It might have been his naivety or his nerves, but that premature profiling would ultimately save a life. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be his. Wallace demanded the money from the register. Justin declared that he could not open it unless he made a sale. Out of frustration, Wallace thrust the gun into Justin’s face while screaming profanities. Justin pleaded with him. Wallace’s hand trembled more violently. He was just as afraid as Justin. Perhaps it was the shaking that caused it or maybe he did it on purpose. I don’t know, the point is moot. At 1:37am, Wallace shot Justin in the face, effectively killing him. He was nineteen. My wife couldn’t watch the video. She had left the room before this part happened.

Wallace, in his own surprise, dropped the gun immediately after it fired. He stepped back, staring in shock at where Justin once stood. He backed into one of the snack displays and spun around, startled. He moved his head around frantically, I guess looking for witnesses, before dashing out the door. You could hear and see police sirens in the video as he exited. From the outdoor cameras, it is made clear that Wallace gave up without a fight, throwing his arms into the air. Authorities promptly detained him.

I was slightly taken aback by the officers’ quick presumption. They had known nothing about the scene beforehand, only that an alarm was tripped. Probably another example of profiling: you see a black kid running out of a gas station where an alarm had been set off and you assume they’re the culprit.

This is as much as we were permitted to see by our lawyers. That much wasn’t even shown in court. What I later learned was that paramedics arrived some thirty minutes after because the police pussyfooted before calling them. Thankfully, Justin died instantly or else he’d have been forced to suffer. The police lingered around the scene for several hours, shooting the breeze and taping off the area. Even though they had caught the perpetrator, they still felt the need to call in CSI. I could only think about one thing: how bad I felt for Wallace Darper.

I saw that footage the same night it was filmed. By the time the videos were finished, it was nearly four in the morning. I thanked the two officers for showing me the footage and met my wife, Joan, outside the viewing room, which was rather drab, containing nothing more than a table, a TV, and a few chairs, with a bookshelf of recent security videos secured from crime scenes. She was sitting on a bench in the hall and she was hysterical, clutching the bag of Justin’s personal effects to her busom. Normally I’d quip about how woman are melodramatic, but this time the drama was called for. I threw my coat over her and walked her out to the car; she hated to be seen all flustered. I went back inside and asked those two officers how I might go about seeing that Darper kid. They told me that, for his own protection, I couldn’t see him until court. They misunderstood. Yeah, I was furious, but I wasn’t gonna fly off the handle and murder the kid. And I don’t think he had wanted to murder my son, either.

I knew where he was being held, anyway. The only prison in the area. A mere fifteen minutes out of the city. I took Joan home and consoled her for a bit. We retreated to our bedroom and sat on the bed.

“We told him not to get that goddamn job, Rick…” She lifted her face away from the kerchief long enough to say that. She usually never swore.

“Yeah, but he insisted.” It wasn’t much consolation. “And he made a good case.”

“Why are you justifying this?” Her head snapped around and she glared at me fiercely, her running mascara akin to war paint.

“Look, Joan, it’s already happened! It’s in the past and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it now!” In hindsight, I really didn’t need to yell at her. And I especially didn’t believe what I had said. Not that I was taken aback by it, but that I felt that there was something I could do for Wallace.

“He would still be alive if it weren’t for that…boy.” She was careful not to say something overly offensive. I think she meant to say that he was a young male, but it incidentally came out sounding just as racist as the term she evaded. Normally, she wouldn’t stoop so low, but I suppose if someone kills your son, they deserve a slur or two. I stood from the bed and stepped for the door. “Where the hell are you going?”

“To the bar.” That was a lie. I figured she’d buy it as most grieving men tend to go to bars to drink their pains away. I didn’t usually drink, but she was too preoccupied to question it.

“Fine.” She moved the hanky from her face and clutched it in her hand as she rested it against the mattress. “I’ll make some calls.” I’d rather not have been there for that, anyway. It was also after five in the morning, but I figured the news was important enough.

On the way to the prison, I thought about Justin. I thought about his first Christmas and the ornament we bought for our tree to commemorate the event, his first birthday where Joan’s and my parents came over, his first day of school and how he was unexpectedly excited, his first trip to the ball game where I missed the foul ball, and on and on. I was barely into middle school when I pulled up to the prison complex. By then, I was even more agitated than before.

The fat man at the gate gave me the stink eye. He gestured for me to roll down my window. Guess I was a bit too distracted to think to do that sooner. I told him I was there to see a new inmate, that I was the victim’s father, which I figured would be an instant pass inside. He told me that I had to be on an “approved guest list” put out by the detained. I got a little agitated and told the guy that murdering my son gave me every right to see him. He didn’t argue with the facts, but he told me he would alert Darper and that I should come back in six months. I did not approve. I threatened to get a lawyer and he scoffed. It was a silly threat. I got back into my car and pulled away. I decided I would meet with my attorney that afternoon.

***

After that gentlemanly discussion with the guard, I was feeling rough, so I actually went to a bar. It worked out, anyway, because I had decidedly not been gone long enough to make it believable to Joan. By the time I got home that morning, she had already passed out. I skimmed through the caller ID; the first number she called was her boss from the doctor’s office, where she worked as a secretary, followed by her parents, then her sister, then her brother, then her grandparents, then her best friend. I remember being a little miffed that she didn’t call any of my family. But, I determined that a man had to do what he had to do. It was nearly eight a.m. when I finally crashed and when I awoke again at four p.m., I spent the next several hours calling my familiars.

The last call I made was to my attorney, Donald Whittemore. I prodded him about rules and regulations regarding visiting inmates. He basically told me what that pig guard had said, but he mentioned making an appeal to arrange a visit. I told him to get on that and to call me back the next day once he had.

As I had wasted most of the beautiful Saturday sleeping, I figured I’d waste the rest of the day and hit the jogging park for a stroll. Joan caught me on the way out.

“We need to discuss funeral arrangements.” She hadn’t been crying as much as she had the night before, but she was certainly red-eyed.

“I don’t know what to do for it.” I just wanted to get out of there. Maybe think about it at the park.

“I don’t know either, dammit, but we have to talk about it!” I think she might have been on her period, which didn’t help matters.

“Look, we can go over this when I come back. Come up with some ideas until then.” I didn’t waste any time getting out of there. My mind was still too clouded to focus on thinking about a funeral, so I needed some time to clear it. I remember power-walking to the car and nearly dropping my keys as I pried them from my pocket. My body finally relaxed as I was driving out of the subdivision, but my mind was still racing. It tried to pick up from where I’d left off on the way to the prison. Middle school.

There was that time when Justin got into that fight with a bully, I was proud because he stepped in to defend some boy and won. He’d never had a lesson. Then there was that science fair. He tried to make something in the basement I don’t know what, that’s not my thing. It didn’t work out for him, he couldn’t get some contraption to work. He was distraught because he couldn’t compete. And there was that girl he had a crush on. I didn’t bother to remember her name. He was always asking me for advice and I’d tell him to share his lunch with her or something. I didn’t give him any serious advice because it was just a childhood flight of fancy.

I had arrived at the park just in time for high school. I strolled around the jogging path, thinking about his first date. It hadn’t worked out. I remember a chill wind blowing past at the thought of this. It was a rather grey and chilly day and the wind only made the negative thought more prominent.

I was too distracted by the wind chill as I walked, so I took a seat on a bench. I thought about how he never strove for A’s. ‘I’m not perfect, so why should I try to be?’ he’d often say. This would always confound his mother. I rather admired him for it. I thought about how we’d play basketball in the driveway, like any other father and son. I stomped him every time, but I’ll be damned if he didn’t keep getting better. Joan didn’t get that, either. ‘He’ll give an effort for sports, but not for his studies?’ She just didn’t get men.

I thought a lot about Joan as I sat there. Justin never bonded with her as well as he did with me and it probably upset her. That’s probably why she wanted my input so badly on that funeral. I just wanted her to handle that, just like she’d handled our wedding.

I thought a bit about that Darper kid. He was just as frightened as Justin. Someone must have put him up to that robbery. He was probably stealing some beer that he’d never even drink and some money that he’d be too afraid to spend. He didn’t mean to shoot my son. Now he’d rot in that facility for the rest of his life. I wondered what I could do for him.

With all of these thoughts swirling about, I was overwhelmed and lost my composure. A full day after it happened, I finally broke down and wept.

I returned home after a few hours. Joan was sitting at the dining room table. She was expecting me to take the hint and do the same. I purposely took the farthest seat at the opposite end. At the time, I didn’t mean any harm by it; it just seemed appropriate to face her directly. Now, thinking back on it, I may have been trying to distance myself from not only the subject, but from her. About the only common ground we’d had was Justin, and now we’d had zilch.

“I think we should have two days of visitation at the funeral home,” she dictated, as though she were conducting a board meeting. “One day for family, another day for friends.”

“Why can’t they all come at once?” I was a bit offended by the suggestion.

“Because some of Justin’s former friends might give our family a bad impression.” She spoke carelessly and I didn’t care for it. And I knew she was specifically referring to her own family.

“They’re still his friends.” I growled a bit. She furrowed her brow.

“He’s dead, Rick. They can’t be his friends anymore. And quite frankly, I never cared for them, anyway.” She crossed her arms. Despite my growing impatience, I tried to stay level.

“So what about the funeral, itself? Are we gonna watch him get lowered or are we gonna sit that out?” Cremation was already out of the equation.

“Oh, God, I couldn’t bear it…” Her eyes watered. I wanted to stay for the burial, but if she couldn’t, I’d have to stick with her.

“Fine, so separate visitations and no burial witnesses. Why don’t we just completely forget he existed while we’re at it?” To this day, I regret saying that. It just blurted out, my mind hadn’t even had time to process the words. Needless to say, Joan reacted as expected. I voluntarily slept on the couch that night. That was probably my second mistake.

***

I didn’t sleep well that night, and it didn’t help that I was rudely awakened by the phone ringing at 8:30 in the morning. Thankfully, the news was worth hearing. It was Whittemore; he told me exactly what I wanted to hear. He had already arranged for me to meet with Darper at 3:30 that afternoon. I was simultaneously happy and upset. Happy because I would have a chance to meet with him finally and upset for the same reason. I was afraid I’d wind up trying to kill the kid, despite my previous inklings as thoughts had had time to settle in, although the interview would likely be conducted through a pane of glass and a telephone.

I grew anxious during the interim. I’d wished that Donald hadn’t called me so early so that I could have killed some more time with sleep. I tried to think of something to do to keep myself composed. Joan had left that morning for church and to set up the funeral arrangements. She didn’t tell me where she was going at the time, she just walked out the door as I was on the phone with Donald. She made sure to slam it so I’d know she had left.

I tried to watch television, but there was never anything on during the day, especially on a Sunday. I would have gone to church, but I stopped attending months ago, to Joan’s chagrin, and I felt like it would have been construed as me looking for sympathy. I really didn’t want to deal with peoples’ grief and apologies, at least not before the funeral. Joan would benefit more from wallowing in their pity.

I finally turned off the TV and sat for a moment, not thinking about anything; just staring at the glare on the screen. I noticed that my hair was a mess and that I was still in my casual wear. I needed a shower. I stood up and dragged my feet into the kitchen. I was hoping for a pot of coffee already brewing, as Joan was known for setting up in the mornings. Nothing. I sighed and fished around for the coffee packets and filters. I had a less than convenient time of it and I wondered whether Joan had hidden them from me intentionally.

I had finally found them tucked away in the pantry, behind several larger items. I prepped the machine and then headed upstairs. I had to pass Justin’s room along the way; the door was closed. Justin had always left it open. Joan couldn’t stand to look at it anymore. I stared at it for maybe a minute, I don’t remember. I pulled myself away and into my room. I removed my clothes and did the usual shower prep. You don’t need to know the specifics.

I stood in the shower and lathered with my loofah. I started at a steady pace, but then I started to slow down as I began to think about that door again. Since Justin died, I hadn’t even considered looking at his room. I felt awful that it hadn’t crossed my mind until seeing something out of place. It really helped to set in the realization that he was gone. I was mad at Joan for having closed it, but I couldn’t blame her. I’d been biased towards her because my own grief was different and I lashed at her for grieving the way that I should have been.

With a splash of water to my face and a prompt shiver, I recollected myself and finished the shower. I thought about what I should be wearing when I meet Darper. Should it be a suit? No, that would be too somber and would look like I’d be sending a message to him that I was dressed for a funeral. Should I wear a tee and jeans? No, too casual. I wasn’t trying to make friends with him, either. I decided on a pair of khakis and a plain white tee, which I would cover with my leather jacket zipped up.

I left the room once I had dressed and stopped again outside of Justin’s. I gazed at the doorknob, feeling a bit intimidated. I never had to open his door before, he would even change his clothes with it open, when he knew we wouldn’t be walking past. I was afraid that he really wouldn’t be there if I opened the door. Of course I knew better, and I feel ashamed now for thinking otherwise, but hand-to-God, I was terrified. I finally mustered the courage to grab the knob and slowly turn it. I hesitantly pushed the door open with my grip on the knob, allowing the light from the hallway to trickle in.

I continued to stand in the doorway, my hand still firmly gripping the doorknob, staring into the dim room. It was almost symbolic; his life cycle had waned and now his room reflects the waning of the moon. I finally shook the nerves off with a shiver and flipped the light switch.

It didn’t look familiar. Joan had cleaned and organized his room rather than preserving it. And Justin was clearly not there. My fear turned to anger at what I was seeing. I marched over to Justin’s bed and tore the sheets and comforter from their tucked positions and tossed them back onto the bed in disarray. “This is how he kept it; he never made his bed!” I called out afterward.

I then stomped over to his closet and flung the door open. Everything was neat and tidy, as expected. “This is wrong, too!” I grabbed the boxes and milk crates and dumped their contents onto the bedroom floor. Then I separated the clothes hanging on the line. “He didn’t keep his shirts pressed together, they were spread unevenly across the line!” Looking back on this, I realize I was saying silly things aloud. But no one was around, anyway.

I reached for his dresser next. Again, clothes neatly folded. “Nope!” I went from drawer to drawer, bottom to top, snatching shirts, shorts, socks, briefs, and pants and tossing them behind me onto the floor and the bed. As I was ripping through the clothes in his underwear drawer, I came upon a small box. It was once used to hold bank checks and it reminded me of when we took him to open his first account. I opened it and was somewhat surprised to discover that there were no checks inside, but various items.

The first thing to catch my eye was a baseball card which he had gotten signed by the player depicted when he went to his first Major League game. It was Sammy Sosa. There was also a necklace which must have belonged to one of his girlfriends, probably Trixie, that blonde he dated for a few months. Several folded sheets of notebook paper lined the bottom. I pulled them out and found an instant camera photo underneath. It was a picture of Justin and I when he was ten. It was Christmas and he was wearing his favorite pajamas, the one with the blue pants and the white shirt with long blue sleeves. He was holding a toy fire engine that he had been eyeing since that October. I was knelt down to his right with my left arm around his back, grabbing his left arm and my right hand on his right shoulder. I had the biggest wide-mouthed smile ever and Justin was grinning so wide, showing off those expensive pearls. There was a caption in the white space in Joan’s handwriting that read “Rick and Justin Christmas 2001.” This was a photo he must have cherished dearly. I stepped back and plopped a seat on the bed, setting the other items beside me and just staring at the picture. My face grew hot and I could feel tears streaming down my cheeks. My eyes welled up and I strained my face to keep from losing it, but it was no use. My teeth clenched hard between sobs as I pressed the photo to my face in an attempt to embrace Justin, knowing that I never could again. After what seemed like an eternity, I finally calmed myself. I took one more look at the photo before standing up and placing it into my wallet. I still have the photo today. It’s framed and sitting above my work desk. I’m looking at it as I write this.

I glanced down and noticed the folded notebook sheets again. I took another seat and picked one up. I unfolded it and discovered that it was a letter from Trixie, confirming my hunch about the necklace. There were flowers and hearts doodled in every corner of the page. I was almost ashamed that he had been dating this girl. As I read it, I learned that this was her “confession of love” to him. Then I felt more ashamed that she had made the first move, but it was a pleasant shame; I even smiled at it. She went on about his blue eyes and his short brown hair and his “kissable lips.” It became hard to read, not because it was mushy, but because it was just another reminder of him. She signed “Trixie” in huge letters and dotted her I’s with hearts.

The next letter was far too shocking. Apparently they’d had sex and she had apparently loved it. It gave explicit detail of what he did and how she felt. I’d rather not repeat what I read. ‘What the hell does she know?’ I thought at the time. That impacted me more than the fact that Justin was active. There was really no reason to be surprised by that, though his mother would be.

The last letter was a bit more heartbreaking. It was her “I’m dumping you” letter. Heartless bitch couldn’t even tell him to his face. And she left him because she found “a better man who can treat me better.” She must have meant sexually. Justin was a great guy, and I’m not really biased because he’s my son, I just know how bad I am and how he is in comparison. I guessed that I should have taught Justin the ropes. Then I wondered where he’d even learned what he had known. Then I was almost proud.

After sufficiently satisfying my curiosity, I placed the letters, necklace, and card back into the box and returned them to Justin’s dresser. They were his most valued possessions, so they deserved to be kept hidden away and not strewn about in the open. I looked again around his room. I had certainly done a number on it in my rage, but I did not regret it. I walked out of the room, making certain to leave the light on and the door opened.

By now, it was barely after 9:30 and I was growing hungry. I went into the kitchen and checked on the coffee, which was effectively brewed. I pulled a mug from the cupboard and poured some. It was rather bland; not at all the way Joan usually prepared it. I decided that I had screwed something up, but just sprinkled some sweetener into the mug and set about looking for breakfast.

I remembered seeing some boxes of cereal in the pantry from when I was seeking out the coffee grounds. They were Justin’s, but he wasn’t gonna eat them anymore. No sense in wasting them. Honestly, I was surprised that Joan hadn’t tossed them. My choices were among generic frosted flakes, generic raisin oats, and generic grains with marshmallows. I hadn’t had marshmallows in my cereal since childhood. There was no second guessing. I retrieved a bowl and filled it with the cereal before opening the fridge and grabbing the milk. It was skim milk. I hate that shit because it’s so watery. Joan likes it so we had to have it. I poured it onto the cereal and then realized that I still had my coffee. One beverage was normally enough, but I figured I could use the coffee to wash down the taste of soggy marshmallows and water-milk.

Then I remembered: “Sunday paper!” I went to the front door and found the mass of rolled paper upon my doorstep. I bent down to pick it up and heard someone call out to me.

“Hey, Rick!” It was my neighbor to the right, Jerry, calling from the other side of his hedges. “Joan told us about your son. My God, we are so sorry. If there’s anything we can do for you, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Thanks, Jerry, but we’ll be fine.” This was just what I didn’t need.

“Oh, but Joan already asked Carol to help her with the funeral arrangements. She’s been through this before, you know. Had a nephew who died.” Great, Joan was getting everyone involved.

“I’ll be okay, Jerry. Don’t worry about me.”

“Oh, alright. See you at the visitation.” That pissed me off. She would invite her friends but not Justin’s? I went back inside and slammed the door. I decided to call his friends myself. Justin’s cellphone was in the bag of his items that we retrieved from the police station, so I ran upstairs to find it, hoping that Joan hadn’t hidden them, too.

I found the back right away in her nightstand. The phone was mixed in the bag with his keys and wallet. I noticed that the police had neglected to remove his work keys from his key ring. I went ahead and did so, intending to return them. I then went through Justin’s list of contacts on his phone, looking for any names that I recognized as his friends’. The first one I came to was Cindy, a girl whom he had been friends with since the sixth grade. I always felt like they should have been dating, as often as we saw her.

I pressed the “Send” button to call her. It rang several times before proceeding to voice mail. I hate those things, you have to sit through the automated woman’s voice then wait for the long-delayed “beep.” It was even worse when you were listening to messages. Just before the beep went off, she answered.

“H-hello?” She seemed nervous.

“Hello, Cindy. This is Justin’s father.” I was firm, but friendly.

“Oh my gosh! I thought you’d be…” She cut herself off. I could hear her sniffing, as though she had been or were about to cry.

“I was calling to tell you about Justin, but I guess you’ve already heard?”

“Yes, I’m so sorry!” She started crying.

“Thank you, Cindy. I just wanted to invite you to his visitation.”

“Oh, yes. Thank you.”

“We don’t have anything planned yet, but Justin’s mother is working on it now.” I briefly considered at this point what Joan might be planning.

“Alright. I’m sooo sorry…”

“Thank you, again. I’ll call you when there’s a date, okay?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Okay, goodbye, then.”

“Goodbye, Mister—“ I didn’t mean to hang up on her, but I wasn’t expecting her to respond with the way she was crying. I spent the next hour calling his friends. He had more than I expected. Eventually I found Trixie’s name in the list. I was surprised that he still had her number. I suppose he still cared for her. She still deserved to know, even though she was an unsavory bitch. I figured this was who Joan was referring to before, when she said that she didn’t care for some of his friends. That was still no reason to exclude all of them.

I reluctantly called her. She answered almost immediately.

“What do you want, Justin?” She had this tone of annoyance that just made my teeth clench.

“This is Justin’s father.” I spoke through my clenched teeth.

“Huh? Why are you calling me on Justin’s phone? Weird.” She had this obnoxious valley girl inflection to her voice.

“Justin was murdered Friday night.” I didn’t bother to sugarcoat for this idiot, she needed harsh reality.

“W-what?! Oh my god! Is this a joke?”

“I’m not fucking joking.” I struggled to restrain myself from calling her insulting names. There was a pause on the other end.

“Justin, quit playing games.” That was it, fuck this bitch.

“He’s really dead, you dumb whore! I hope the man you left him for really was worth it!” I hung up after this. She didn’t try to call back.

After that, I’d decided I’d called enough of his friends and that they could spread the word themselves. I placed his phone back in the bag and returned it to the nightstand. Then I grabbed the newspaper and went back downstairs. I slapped it onto the table and sipped my coffee. It had gone cold and the cereal was completely soggy and nearly disintegrated. I dumped them both into the sink, poured a new cup of coffee, and sat down to read the paper. The front page headline read “Teen Killed Friday Night in Robbery.” There was a picture of Justin’s chalk outline.

I decided that it would be better to read that later and determined that I was pretty tired. I went back to the couch and took a nap.

It was one o’clock by the time I awoke again. I arose with a stretch. My back was aching from the couch. I still hadn’t had my coffee, so I dragged my feet into the kitchen once more, dumped the old, cold coffee and poured a new mug. I sprinkled another packet of sweetener into it, stirred with a spoon, and stood at the sink and sipped until it was gone. I was determined to have coffee in my system that day and I needed the energy.

The meeting with Darper wasn’t for another two hours; I needed to kill more time. I was sick of the being in the house, so I took a drive in the car. I drove around aimlessly for about thirty minutes before stopping at McDonald’s. I went inside and ordered because I hate the drive-thru. I sat in the dining area for a while, enjoying my Double Quarter-Pounder meal when some familiar faces walked in. It was a family that I knew from church. Carl, a balding man with a massive gut, Janice, a brunette woman to lovely to be with Carl, and their teenage daughter, Sara. I deduced that they had come here straight from church, as they liked to linger there for a while after services. I knew that Joan would have spoken to them; she would have spoken to everyone.

Sara saw me first and whispered to her mother, who glanced over at me. My mouth shifted to the side, an indicator that I was not eager for this confrontation. I’d still had food to finish, too. Janice whispered to Carl, who was busy reading the menu board. Honestly, who still needs to read the menu at McDonald’s? He looked back at me. I bit into my burger as our eyes met. I prayed that they wouldn’t sit next to me.

I quickened the pace of my consumption as an attempt to get out of there before they had gotten their food. As I stuffed my face, Sara came over and sat across from me.

“Mom wanted me to say sorry for Justin.” Typical kids, always saying that their parents made them say something.

“Thanks.”

“I really am sorry.” She lowered her head and started sniffling.

“It’s okay, thank you.”

“I…I really liked him.” I really didn’t need to hear her confession. But I was learning that Justin might have been pretty popular.

“Look, I gotta g—“ I was abruptly interrupted by a fat, heavy hand slapped onto my shoulder.

“Rick, we’re awful sorry to hear about your loss. Justin was a good kid.” Carl bent forward and put his face uncomfortably close to mine. His breath was stale.

“Thank you, Carl. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve somewhere to be.” I stood from the bench. Carl’s hand slipped from my shoulder as I walked off. I didn’t bother to toss my waste. I passed Janice on my way out. She started to say something, but I ignored her. I pushed my way out the doors and got into my car.

I’d still had an hour before the meeting and I was growing very impatient. I decided to just head to the prison and kill my time there. No pun intended.

I pulled up to the same gate as before. There was a different guard this time, one who was more fit to be in his position. I told him what I was there for and showed him my identification. He approved and raised the bar. The fences around the complex were huge, stretching as high as the four-story prison. I parked in the visitor lot and proceeded inside, where I was greeted by more security.

They took me to a waiting room where a large window looked out into the conference area, where prisoners and visitors were chatting through panes of glass using telephones.

“Darper’s with somebody right now, so you’ll have to wait.” The burly guard seemed pretty gruff. Guess he had to be.

I looked out the window and spotted Darper. The footage I had seen at the station was hazy, but I could still recognize him, especially in the orange jumpsuit, which was reminiscent of the coat he wore during the robbery. He was talking to a woman who was wearing a pink long-sleeved blouse and white pants. Her hair was think and straight and curved up at the left and right ends, like Marlo Thomas in That Girl. It was obvious that she was upset. She slammed her fist onto the counter a few times, shook her finger in Wallace’s face, and wiped the tears from her eyes on occasion until she finally stood up forcibly and power-walked away, her left hand clasping her mouth as tears flowed down her face.

To get out of the conference room, she had to come into the waiting room where I stood. Security let her in and I locked eyes with her. It was almost as though she knew who I was, the way she gazed at me, almost in fear, before her face retreated once more to her hands. Security led her out of the room. I watched Wallace for a few more minutes before security returned. He had tried to get up to leave, but a guard sat him down again, probably telling him about me.

When the burly guard finally returned, he opened the door to the conference room and escorted me inside. He took me to Darper’s booth, where I finally stood face-to-face with the kid who killed my son.

Entry into the Unfamiliar.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

What a Novel Idea.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

House Dinner.

Justify Redux.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Mister Wiggins.